THE TRUTH BEHIND LIVE WITH REGIS AND KELLY

America is addicted to sexy legs. America wants to go on a date with Carrie Underwood, and recite to her some Lord Byron. America invented the jean jacket and a lot of strange comic books about strange adventures and supernatural troubles. Some kids sleep in bunk beds. And some kids trade crazy VHS tapes about dangerous stuff, real girls with real troubles and blood, talking poetic, sad from magic. Canada has a radio station. That radio station used to have a show called Brave New Waves. Carrie Underwood is pretty sexy. A nuclear weapon is hard to understand, like DNA. You can get books on all of these topics at Amazon.ca. Are there any pretty girls in your class? Do they know about the history of Pop Art and UFOs and BIG BOMBS? Can you make them feel grumpy? Can you invite them over to teach them about history? Everything has a history. You can get a job teaching history and history has a channel. The most popular topic is Hitler, and after that the Popes. I have yet to see a good show on the Spanish Inqusition. Saturday Night Live has had some great bands on over the years. Fear and Nirvana are two. The Strokes played a good set too. Carrie Underwood is sexy. UFOs aren’t as important as child poverty or poisoned cereal. I hope Kellogg’s isn’t slowly killing us all off. UFOs aren’t dumbing us down. Psychedelia isn’t just about sound. It’s about surviving poisoned cereal by becoming retarded. Candy is sweet. Carrie Underwood is pretty. Protect your penis. Don’t burn L.A. to the ground. It has some wicked bands, some dead and gone like Friedrich Nietzsche. Try out a girlfriend. Send poems to Time magazine. Then try stringing up a web. Ghost Rider was a cool comic. Japan has interesting violence. Werewolves in the woods. Some guys read all about Nazis. You used to be able to get paid doing just that.